Oh, I’ve got a few:
Apple: iPhone, iPad, shit iPaidtoomuch.
OR
Introducing the iPhone 12! Because apparently this going to be a trend now.
OR
Introducing the iPhone 12! Because apparently this going to be a trend now.
Samsung: We’re here cuz you couldn’t afford Apple.
Xiaomi: And we're here cuz you can't afford Samsung.
Microsoft: Software updates are the only screen time you’re getting.
Nokia: We’re finally rebranding. Introducing portable self-defense bricks!
YouTube: We’re sorry for this, but not really
Tinder: Hookups shookups. You’re probably in it for the free food.
Snapchat: O-M-G Dayuuuuuummmmm gurl. like YASSSSSSSSS!!!!!! legit slayyyyyyyyyyyyy queeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.
Instagram: Stalking made easy.
Facebook: Stalking older people made easy.
LinkedIn: Stalking. But for all you gold diggers out there.
Twitter: Instagram. But with words.
Google: I will find you... and I will kill you.
SpaceX: F*ck you Nasa!
Nasa: No, f*ck you SpaceX!
Tesla: When the Prius and the iPhone had a baby…
Coke: Your one-way ticket to diabetes.
Pepsi: Coke’s sweeter younger brother.
McDonalds: Shit. Carbs. More shit.
Wendy’s: We’re better than McDonalds.
KFC: Our old slogan was kinda sexual.
Durex: We kill our future customers.
Disney: Let it go.